Gay It Forward: A Person-to-Person Mutual Aid Model
An effort to help each other survive this capitalistic hellscape.
Money and the rising cost of living is a challenge created by capitalism that most of us are grappling with on our own. Some people have family or generational wealth as a safety net, but a large number of us do not, especially people of color, queer and trans people, disabled people, and immigrants. Being poor or not making enough money in a capitalist society results in eviction, hunger, lack of medical access, further debt accumulation, chronic emotional and mental stress, imprisonment, and even death. The government systems meant to help are underfunded and lined with barriers to access. We cannot expect a viable solution to this problem from the system that creates it and government structures that allow it to continue.
As a mental health professional, I see how a lack of money and financial support results in mental, emotional, physical, and interpersonal hardship. We’re forced to live in a society where our livelihood is dependent on our ability to work. Without money or a way to make money, life becomes impossible to live.
Community-based financial support, such as crowdfunding and mutual aid funds, help people in dire situations. What if we could take a similar approach to help others achieve financial stability? With the Gay It Forward model, I offer my vision of how we can work to create such a world.
The Spirit of Collectivism
We struggle financially in this capitalist society because the rich hoard wealth and resources, heads of corporations exploit and underpay workers, steal wages, and needlessly access taxpayer money. We are trained to adopt an individualistic and scarcity mindset where it’s us against each other. We are taught to aspire to be rich and we go into debt trying to look the part. We accept, justify, and participate in our own exploitation as workers in hopes of one day striking it big. This type of mentality keeps us on a backward slide into financial and emotional strain.
As a collective, we hold more power than we do as individuals. If we can adopt the mentality of using our money to help people, with the understanding that others will choose to do the same, we create a safety net that is better able to withstand the pitfalls of capitalism.
If you are turned off by the idea of giving money to people who are struggling financially to stay alive, capitalism has successfully trained you to hate poor people. Through modern day economics and racism, capitalism pushes the following anti-poor propaganda:
- “poor people don’t work hard enough”
- “poor people are lazy”
- “poor people are suffering the consequences of their choices”
- “poor people are freeloaders looking for a handout”
- “poor people don’t deserve nice things, fun, rest, health, wellness, etc. if they can’t afford it”
The demonization of the poor and the idolization of being rich are intentional campaigns within capitalism to pin people against each other. If you think of others as “poor” and yourself as not poor or a rich person in training, you become desensitized to, allow, or even support the atrocities committed against poor people within capitalism. You may find yourself perpetuating harmful acts and exclusionary thinking that separate you from people in your community and your humanity.
It’s time to detach ourselves from these harmful ways of thinking about the world, money, others, and ourselves. We have to establish a new way of living that involves helping others, how we think about money, and how we use it.
The Gay It Forward model
The money we earn represents our time, energy, and labor. When we choose to give someone money for their financial stability, we are giving them those three things. It can be seen as an act of love and caring. If we shift our approach to how we use money — away from hoarding it, spending it how capitalism trains us to spend it, and towards helping others — we can create an alternative reality where people are less prone to suffer, go without, and are not simply allowed to perish.
The purpose of the Gay It Forward model is to help people through the gifting of money from one person (or more) to another, to support their journey toward financial stability and peace of mind. Below are some ways to support someone using your money:
- Help them pay down small debt (medical bills, credit cards, etc.)
- Help them establish emergency savings ($2,500 — $5,000)
- Pay for medications (insulin, etc.)
- Pay for fees that will advance their earning potential (certification programs, courses, licensing exam fees, etc.)
- Pay for an enjoyable, relaxing experience (massage, a meal, an outing with their children, travel, etc.)
- Pay for a service that will help their life be easier once or for a short while (food delivery, laundry, or cleaning service, etc.)
People work so hard to simply staying afloat through a pandemic, a recession, inflation, and personal hardships. And even then, their efforts aren’t enough. The system is set up to make life difficult for those with little to no money. From my experience, people aren’t looking for a handout or to coast through without putting in their part. To some degree, we’re all functioning out of this mentality that we’re supposed to pull ourselves up from our bootstraps, which creates a self-defeating sense of pride, or shame, in refusing to ask for help or accepting it.
How to start and who to help
When you have determined that you are financially able and ready to help someone become more financially stable but aren’t sure how to approach them, here are some points you can include in your pitch to them:
- “Hi. I’m starting to shift the way I think about money and how I use it. I’m currently in a position where I can and want to help someone be more financially stable by either helping pay down small debt, establish emergency savings, or other ways. I was wondering if this is something you’d be interested in and open to receiving. I don’t expect anything in return. I simply want to contribute to someone else’s success and well-being with what I have.”
Your approach may change based on your relationships with the other person, so feel free to make it your own. Just be sure to keep the following in mind:
- You are willingly gifting money to someone else. There is no pretense or expectation that they pay you back and it should not come with any stipulations.
- Decide how much you’re able to help with and for how long. It could be a one time gift of any amount or a recurring gift for however long you want to give.
- You can share the Gay It Forward model of helping someone else in the future once they’re financially able, but it’s completely optional and up to them.
- Allow yourself to notice the impact that gifting money to someone can have on you and them as you work together to help them establish financial stability and peace of mind.
- While you are helping someone get a better financial footing, you are not saving them. Stay aware of any savior complexes.
As you decide who to help, think of who is excluded from financial opportunity in this white supremacist, capitalistic, ableist, racist, transphobic, homophobic society. Those who are placed in positions of struggle are women, Native, Black, Latinx, queer, trans, single parent/caregiver, undocumented, disabled, and historically financially oppressed people.
Gay It Forward is not meant to put you in a position to save the world or fix systemic problems. It’s an intentional personal decision to do your part to help a real person in need using your money.
